Let the Past Stay in the Past

Past relationships getting in the way of finding a new love?

You’re not alone.

singlecityTO chatted with local Psychotherapy Associate Sue Sabijan and provides you with some helpful tips on how to get out with the old and in with the new.

Breakups are hard on everyone.

But for some people it can take months, even years to get over someone.

Psychotherapy Associate, Sue Sabijan of Kimberly Moffit & Associates says, every relationship is different.

“It really depends on the person. Some maybe more responsive than others. It all depends on one’s relationship history.” said Sabijan.

This is essentially true. Everyone has distinctive relationship experiences.

Sabijan digs deeper into the issue saying, it dates back to childhood.

“It is also about developmental theory attachment and how it can affect attachment in adulthood,” said Sabijan. “If there was trauma with the primary caregiver then that attachment loss can come up later in life.”

Sabijian explains that the unresolved grieving process one experiences when their young can be comparable to their relationships.

“Taking that trauma, that loss into the next relationship with those still unresolved issues towards a past love is why people have a hard time.” said Sabijian.

Now to help you with this hard time, here are some helpful tips on how to get over that certain someone.

Spend time with family and friends

It’s important to surround yourself with a support system. Breakups can be overwhelming and who better to turn to than your best friend and hey, mom and dad can help too.

Focus on your career

After a breakup you may not feel motivated to work, but the best thing to do is get back on the horse. Set a work-orientated goal and work towards it. The goal will be even more rewarding because you achieved it for you.

Get a hobby

Start a new hobby like photography or pick up that book you have started reading but haven’t finished yet. Having a hobby or special interest allows you to put all your focus and energy into it which keeps you busy and not thinking about your past love.

Vacation time

After a break up sometimes all you want to do is escape. Well why not just do that? Plan a spontaneous trip, whether it’s a road trip with friends, a weekend at the cottage or a hopping on a plane to Paris, now’s the time to focus on yourself. So why not do that on a sandy beach?